Doctor Visit

XKCD - Thu, 05/18/2017 - 22:00
According to these blood tests, you're like 30% cereal.
Categories: Comics

Machine Learning

XKCD - Tue, 05/16/2017 - 22:00
The pile gets soaked with data and starts to get mushy over time, so it's technically recurrent.
Categories: Comics

UK Games Expo 2017 Schedule

Dork Tower - Sun, 05/14/2017 - 23:01

Hey, all, I’ll be at UK Games Expo, in Birmingham, England, June 2-4! “Woot” as the kids say. I know it seems like crazy talk, but that’s just two weeks away.

If you want to catch me there – heck, if you want to avoid me, there – here’s my schedule!

The “Live RPG Plus” event Friday night seems particularly fun!

WEEKEND SIGNINGS – I’ll be doing signings in Hall 1 after most of the following panels (probably not the one that ends at 21:30, I’m now thinking). I’m not sure of the location yet, but we’ll find out soon enough.

FRIDAY, JUNE 2
15.00 Q&A with John Kovalic (Toute Suite NEC – 45 mins)
John Kovalic. Millions of copies of his games and books have been sold worldwide, giving his magical, frenetic artwork and unique wit a truly global fan base. Come an ask your questions of the man who created the amazing art work of the Munchkin Games and The Dork Tower.

20.00 Live RPG Plus (Pavilion Hilton Hotel – 90 mins approx)
Live RPG Plus pits Benjamin Loomes (creator of Syrinscape and host of the Dicestormers) against an all-star cast adventure party, transforming the Pavillion Room into a fast and fun gaming experience for players as well as the audience, who will contribute to the action via shout-outs, hold-up cards and social media. Our guest players are Munchkin and Dork Tower Artist, John Kovalic, host of Knightmare Live, Paul Flannery, Paizo’s editor in chief, Wes Schneider and Mike Mason (Line Editor for Call of Cthulhu). With a party like that, what can possibly go wrong?

SATURDAY, JUNE 3
11.00 Artists Panel  (Toute Suite, NEC – 45 mins)
Details TBC With John Kovalic, Ralph Horsley, Gill Pearce, Linda Jones, Andree Schneider, James Hayball and others.

17.00 Live Pandemic Pavilion Hilton Hotel (90 mins approx.)
In a follow up to last year’s successful event Live Pandemic Returns, The Expo is in lock-down as award-winning comedian (and 2015 UK Carcassonne champion) James Cook asks you to join us in a game of Pandemic unlike any you’ve ever played before! Featuring a panel of our guests including The Dice Tower’s Sam Healey, Munchkin and Dork Tower Artist John Kovalic and Paul Flannery, host of Knightmare Live. Oh – and don’t forget the 4th player is you – the audience. The World need not fear. “Looks like fun” – Matt Leacock

SUNDAY, JUNE 4
13.00 Q&A with John Kovalic Toute Suite NEC (45 mins) 
John Kovalic. Millions of copies of his games and books have been sold worldwide, giving his magical, frenetic artwork and unique wit a truly global fan base. Come an ask your questions of the man who created the amazing art work of the Munchkin Games and The Dork Tower.

Now – who knows where a lonely traveler might stumble across the best Balti in Birmingham?

John

 

Categories: Comics

Rental Car

XKCD - Sun, 05/14/2017 - 22:00
Technically, both cars are haunted, but the murder ghosts can't stand listening to the broken GPS for more than a few minutes.
Categories: Comics

Okeanos

XKCD - Thu, 05/11/2017 - 22:00
WHEN I WAS ON A BOAT I DROPPED MY PHONE CAN U LOOK FOR IT
Categories: Comics

Poland: “Is this Heaven?” “No – it’s a plate of Pierogis.”

Dork Tower - Thu, 05/11/2017 - 10:00

Screen Shot 2016-05-30 at 11.06.33 AM

Hard to believe (I keep double-checking my calendar), but just last week, I was in Poland, guest of the wonderful Pyrkon gaming and media convention.

Pyrkon is big – really big. 40,000 attendees big. It’s the largest such convention in Poland, by far, and this was my second trip there, thanks to my wonderful friends at Black Monk Games, the Polish translators of Munchkin (and soon, Dork Tower!)

The three-day convention was a whirlwind, for me, full of demonstrations, talks, and one-hour signings that turned into three hours.

It took five flights to get to Poznan, the city where the convention is held, every year: Madison – Detroit; Detroit – Amsterdam; Amsterdam – Kraków; Kraków – Warsaw; Warsaw – Poznan. (If this seems insane, it sort of was: Delta doesn’t fly into Poznan, but I get upgrades with them so frequently, it’s the only way to cross the Atlantic – what with me being 6’4″ tall, anyway: I value my spine).

Apparently it was King’s Day in Holland, and there were many orange treats at the Amsterdam KLM lounge: fun, tasty and colorful.

A five-hour layover in Kraków gave me a chance to pop into the city, which everyone says is beautiful. I didn’t see it, because I wandered in all the wrong areas. A few days later I’d pay for my foolishness! But for now, a student diner satisfied me my pierogi and borscht fix. (This would become a leitmotif of the trip: a delicious, carb-heavy leitmotif).

My Dad’s side of the family comes from Slovakia (back in the day, I could brag of Czechoslovakia, and lay some small claim to Prague, Bohemia and Charter ’77 – now, not so much). So coming face-to-face with my Buba’s cooking every day I was in Poland was a calorie-laden delight.

The long Krakow layover was so I could change from Delta/KLM to LOT, the Polish national airline (I had booked this leg as a separate ticket). I grew to love traveling on LOT a lot. They didn’t hand out tepid pretzels, oh no: they had a basket of candy you could grab from. It was Easter every flight! (Someone from Poland want to bring or mail me FRUGO candies? I may be addicted to them).

But back to Pyrkon: yes, it’s flipping’ huge. Held in Poznan’s World Trade Center – Poland’s largest convention center – it spans many massive halls. The dealer area seems to have doubled in size from my last trip, two years ago.

The signings at the Black Monk booth were decidedly intimidating, though having a massive queue is probably the best possible problem a cartoonist could have.

I’m guessing I drew over 100 cards, over the course of the weekend. One upside to this is that it improves my flash-caricature skills somewhat…

Another delight was when an eight-year-old girl left room in her comic book (about a cat and a dog who save the world) for me to add in Spyke, from Munchkin. I hope I did the tale justice!

Other requests seemed more…random:


 

And, look: not gonna lie: seeing Munchkin cosplayers in full regalia is always a thrill (to say nothing of humbling).

It was an exhausting but exciting show, but I did get a chance Saturday morning to pop down to Poznan’s city square – an achingly beautiful place, spiffed-up by Italian architect Giovanni Battista di Quadro, during the Renaissance.

Sadly, I didn’t get much of a chance to hang out with artists such as Wayne Reynolds, Ralph Horsely and Milivoj Ćeran, who were also guests. My loss, as they’re all great guys, and ridiculously talented, to boot. I’m hoping I at least get to see a couple of them again at UK Games Expo next moth. But I had to leave for my flight Sunday afternoon, and didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

My Poznan hotel was about a block from the con site, but more importantly next door to a restaurant that literally translates to “Pierogi Hut.” I thought these were some of the best I’d ever had, until my return-layover, in Kraków again. This time, I had two full days (and three evenings) to explore. Yelp had recommended a small cafe next to my Kraków hotel, and the mushroom pierogi were without question incredible (“pierogincredible”?)

The next morning, I wandered through some more dreary sections of Kraków, wondering what all the fuss was about (I am a dum-dum), when I finally stumbled across the Old City – an absolutely crazy-beautiful area that left me slack-jawed.

Staring up at this indescribably lovely architecture, I did indeed stumble, missing a paving stone, twisting my left ankle and falling smack onto the cobblestones with my right knee. I’m not sure what sound it made, but I wouldn’t be surprised it if was, indeed, “krakow!”

By the end of the day, my knee had swollen to the size and color of a really large golabki, and walking had become almost literally impossible: I could only return to the hotel leaning heavily on my mum (my parents had popped over from London to visit, fortunately). Thus my last day in this magnificent place was spent staring at the walls of my hotel room, my leg up, my body aching, and me feeling more than just a little bit stupid.

The plus side, though, was I did get to see Kraków for a day, and it’s definitely a place I’d enjoy returning to, one day.

What say, Pyrkon – let’s do this again soon, eh?

-John

 

 

 

 

Categories: Comics

Tower of Power – DORK TOWER 11.05.17

Dork Tower - Wed, 05/10/2017 - 23:01

Categories: Comics

Random Obsessions

XKCD - Tue, 05/09/2017 - 22:00
I take the view that "open-faced sandwiches" are not sandwiches, but all other physical objects are.
Categories: Comics

Adventures in Eating – SPORK TOWER 09.05.17

Dork Tower - Mon, 05/08/2017 - 23:01

Screen Shot 2016-05-30 at 11.06.33 AM

SKY CLUB CUSINE
or
When Life Hands you a Club, Make a Mess

Flying home from Poland last weekend, I was hit with a two-hour delay in Detroit.

No big deal, as a couple of years ago, I went all-in on Delta, and purchased a membership to their “Sky Club” lounges.

Yes, this is very 1st World One-Percenters territory. But also, yes, (a) I fly enough that it’s totally worth it, and (b) it’s a business expense.

Most importantly, as Sara Benincasa notes in her essay ‘Join the Fancy Club at the Airport,’ “I deserve a break, just like any of those fancy people. And so, dear reader, do you.” So who are we to argue with Sara?

Anyway, when I’m not quoting Sara Benincasa’s wonderfully enabling essays (available HERE), I’m figuring out ways to get into trouble things to do at the Delta Sky Lounge.

Two hour layover in Detroit means it’s time to get crazy with @DeltaSkyClub offerings, right, @Delta?

— Maybe John Kovalic (@muskrat_john) May 3, 2017

US airline lounges have been pretty spartan things, compared to their European counterparts.

But the Americans upped their game, slightly, these last few years.

Though still not on par with the rest of the civilized world, Delta’s Sky Clubs‘  hard-boiled-eggs-and-chicken-salad-only nadir is long-gone. Soups, meatballs, hot chicken, and mac and cheese are available, more often than not. O BRAVE NEW WORLD!*

So with time on my hands, and a literal buffet of possibilities at my disposal, I experimented.

STEP ONE: Take one Nissen-brand Cup Noodles ‘cup’ that some Delta Sky Clubs have been offering since (I’m spitballing, here) the upturn in Asian business.

STEP TWO: Add hot water from the Starbucks-brand coffee machine.

STEP THREE: Re-cover the cup, and wait for three minutes.

STEP FOUR: Dump the Cup Noodles of the wretched salt-laden death-slurry it calls “soup,” saving the softened noodles.

STEP FIVE: Go to the salad area. Tope the noodles with some warm chicken chunks.

 

(Actual Chicken location and availability may vary according to Sky Club).

STEP SIX: Wander over to the soups. There are usually two available. Fill cup of noodles and chicken with either Wicked Thai or Butternut Squash Curry soups, if on-hand (others may work in a pinch).

STEP SEVEN: Finish with a generous squeeze of Sriracha ( always has it on hand, BLESS THEM) three wedges of lime from the bar, and add some crispy noodles for crunch.

STEP EIGHT: And VOILA! Enjoy a tasty raman-esque snack, as other patrons look in horror! Bon appetite!

 

@muskrat_john Hey John, looks delicious. Glad you’re enjoying. *JY

— Delta (@Delta) May 3, 2017

  -John

*Super-deluxe props to Delta’s main Detroit Sky Club, for serving bona-fide National Coney Island hot dogs on Thursdays and Fridays!

Categories: Comics

Lunch Order

XKCD - Sun, 05/07/2017 - 22:00
GO FOR LUNCH, REPEAT, GO FOR LUNCH.
Categories: Comics

Code Quality 3

XKCD - Thu, 05/04/2017 - 22:00
It's like a half-solved cryptogram where the solution is a piece of FORTH code written by someone who doesn't know FORTH.
Categories: Comics

Photo Library Management

XKCD - Tue, 05/02/2017 - 22:00
A good lifehack is to use messy and unstable systems to organize your photos. That way, every five years or so it becomes obsolete and/or collapses, and you have to open it up and pick only your favorite pictures to salvage.
Categories: Comics

One Rogue – DORK TOWER 02.05.17

Dork Tower - Mon, 05/01/2017 - 23:01

Categories: Comics

Here to Help

XKCD - Sun, 04/30/2017 - 22:00
"We TOLD you it was hard." "Yeah, but now that I'VE tried, we KNOW it's hard."
Categories: Comics

ISS Solar Transit 2

XKCD - Thu, 04/27/2017 - 22:00
Most people don't realize it, but they actually launch a new space station every few weeks because this keeps happening.
Categories: Comics

Cap That – DORK TOWER 27.04.17

Dork Tower - Wed, 04/26/2017 - 23:01

DORK ADDENDA: HEY, KIDS! Marvel has turned Cap into a Nazi, these days!

Categories: Comics

Geochronology

XKCD - Tue, 04/25/2017 - 22:00
'The mountains near here formed when the ... Newfoundland ... microplate collided with, uhh ... Labrador.' 'Ok, now you're definitely just naming dogs.' 'Wait, no, that's actually almost correct.'
Categories: Comics

Not All Burritos – DORK TOWER 25.04.17

Dork Tower - Mon, 04/24/2017 - 23:01

Categories: Comics

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